I am approaching this differently.
I know that I have not been keeping up with this blog. It seems to be something we all do when we fall off the wagon completely.
So let's start again. I am currently on Day 13 of the Whole30 program.
For those of you unaware of the program, here is a link: http://www.whole9life.com/category/whole-30/
It is a 30 day program to basically get you in control of your food choices.
Here are the basics of what you can eat:
Most meat, most vegetables, most fruits, most nuts, coconut oil, olive oil, eggs.
I am sure there is more than that but that is what I tell myself when I am out shopping and trying to see if something is compliant to the program.
Here's the thing. In the first few days, I was struggling because I wanted my diet coke and creamer. In the next few days, I was struggling because it was Thanksgiving and I wanted my chocolate pie and mashed potatoes. It is the holiday season and I want those cookies, pies, egg nog... but I started this and I am going to finish it.
Today I was really struggling, thinking about all of the food I was "choosing not to eat right now." I kept thinking one bite is not going to hurt. That little needy voice in my head craving its old cravings...
Then, for just an instant, I had a flashback of one of those many times when I felt like if I hadn't been fat, things would have worked out differently. And I am not one of those people who blames every misstep I have had on being fat. Though I do see how it matters and how you are treated differently.
And I decided then and there that I would revamp this blog again. And use it to document those times when I felt "less than" due to being an obese woman. Focusing on that helped me get through today. Just thinking, no more starting over... stop stopping.