Week 1, Day 2

Today my stomach hurts a bit.
It may be constipation.
It may be dehydration.

It may be that I really need to force myself to down the water. Just stop arguing and do it.

My sister said to me, "I want pancakes, and I am going to eat them. And I want pizza and pretzels."

She is supposed to be traveling down this low-carb road with me. She said that she was going to indulge just a little because it would take forever for her to reach her goal weight anyway. And I said, "Well, every little indulgence makes the goal farther away." I then said, "Do you want those pancakes more than you want to be thin and healthy?" And she said, "Yes, I do." And I know that she didn't mean it. I get it.

This is hard. As I have proven over and over again. It is hard to stick to something for the long term. It truly is. I have yet to be able to stick to something for longer than 6 months without going off plan.

And it is mostly because you lose sight of the goal. It seems so very far away.

This is actually why I don't even focus on the overall picture. I have set goals as little as five pounds away. Whatever it takes. You find something that you want to do that you are unable to do until you lose five pounds and you focus on that. If I focus on the fact that I have to lose about 130 pounds in total, I am not going to make it.

But, if I focus on the fact that I want to go ziplining and the weight limit is five pounds less than I am now, well then, that, I can do. That I can foreseeably accomplish.

Does it always work? No.
But, it definitely increases the success rate.

"If you're tired of starting over, you have to stop quitting."

Wow... so It's been 6 months, almost to the day, since my last post.

And in those 6 months, let's just say, I have not been Atkins friendly.

Hence, I have gained back all but 5 pounds... putting me at a horrible 288.

Now, before all of you go to saying, of course you gained it back, everybody gains back what they lose on Atkins. Let's take note of the fact that it has been 6 months since I was on it, and I have still kept off 5 pounds. Positive!

In those six months, I have also been eating like a fiend, eating so much fast food and junk food that I actually decided to give up eating out for Lent. So, it isn't like I stopped eating Atkins and went to eating healthily.

I stopped eating Atkins and have been eating tons of Mickey D's and cupcakes over the past 6 months.

So now, time to start over again.

I started today.

I didn't eat ANY carbs.

I am extremely dizzy. I feel like I am going to pass out... just a note.

Day 11. This diet fits ME. but it might not fit you.

Today I was reminded of how far I have come when it comes to dieting in general.

I used to get really upset when whichever diet I was on wasn't making me lose at least a pound a day and at the very minimum a half a pound a day.

It just wasn't worth it to me. I would say, it's going to take me forever to lose it this way, let's crash diet.

And now, here I am at 26 years old, once again trying to climb down that weight ladder.

But with Adkins, I don't feel that push. I don't feel like I did with other plans. If I don't lose that week, then that sucks, but okay. If I do manage to lose a ton, then woohoo, but let's not expect it all the time.

It is a strange feeling to be on a plan that is quite restrictive and to still be okay with not losing. They say that when you find your perfect mate, that you will just know and that even though he may have faults, you will be able to accept them.

That's kind of how I feel about a diet plan, or a way of eating. This just... fits for me. It just works... for me. And it may not work for you or anybody else you know, but. It works for me.

I need the restriction, the complete removal of certain foods from my diet, perhaps for always. But, some people are not like this, some people need moderation, they need the ability to eat whatever they want within reason.

I need this. I need to know that I can only eat meat, eggs, cheese, salad. that's about it. and truthfully, as you've seen in my past posts when I was following this plan, that is not all you can have.

But, people do gawk and stand amazed when they say, "So, you can't eat any bread?" and you say no. They can't believe that somebody can live without bread.

Not only can I live without bread, but my energy shoots up without bread, I am not groggy, I am not having constant, consistent, can't live without bread cravings, I am able to turn down cupcakes and ice cream and chocolate...

What makes this diet worth it is that once you get past the first few days, it doesn't feel a whole lot like deprivation or like you are constantly fighting yourself.

It feels like you are making a choice not to eat the cookie, and that's it. No going back and forth, no thinking about the cookie once it's out of your sight. It is like...

It's like... this way of eating... actually gives you back the control that you should have over your food choices. It takes power away from the food and puts it back into your hands.

Though, I must still admit that I do like to smell those cookies sometimes. :)

Day 2 (Again): Back in the Saddle

My last post was about the same thing that this post will be about.

How horrible is that?

Three months later and I never got back on track... until yesterday.

Three months. I could have been down to skydiving weight. I could have been healthier, skinnier, closer to shedding this fat suit completely.

But, alas, I enjoyed cookies and cakes and ice cream. I enjoyed grilled cheeses and french fries and donuts. I enjoyed it all.

Until I finally stepped back on Saturday and thought, 'I am tired all the time. I am fatigued. I am struggling going up three flights of stairs. What is it going to take to get me back on track?'

There have been some major changes in my life since March. I have two jobs now. One for the American Cancer Society and one for a local market research firm.

I enjoy them both, but this means I am working quite a lot of hours every week.

Additionally, I have been dating a boy that I do very much enjoy. And he is in wonderful shape which inspires me to keep going and get back to it as well.

So, here I am. starting over. again. And, I was going to go ahead and start a new blog, start a new one where Day 1 would be fresh and nice and clean.

Free from all past mistakes, where I would be perfect and eat my 20 carbs daily during the first two weeks. Where I would be perfect and work out according to a schedule all the time, without missing one, without complaint. Where I would be perfect and never cheat, never slip up, never go off track.

And then I thought... no. This is normal. People go on and off the wagon all the time. No need to pretend that it doesn't happen. No need to have a clean slate. Just pick up from here and move forward.

So here I am, Day 2 (again), going through the Atkins Induction Flu (again).

But the difference is that this time.. this time, I know that at the end of this week, I will have energy. My cravings will be gone. And it will be worth it.

Current Stats:

Weight: 266.4
Urine: Yellow (I know, TMI, but I think it is very important to note since I do remember that when I was on Atkins before, my urine was always crystal clear)
Energy Level: Very low, tired, cranky, lack of motivation
Exercise: 3 Miles at about 1 hr and 10 minutes, extremely difficult to even finish.
Current ST Activity Goal: Kayaking this week
Current LT activity Goal: September 24th Half Marathon

Day 31 - Eating Out Difficulties.

CW: 275

Tonight, I went out with my friends to a Thai restaurant.

Now, up until now, I have been able to find something that I could eat anytime I dined out. I never thought that a Thai restaurant would turn out to be the one place that I could not find anything safe.

I decided to order a dish with Beef and Vegetables. Without the sauce. I asked for them to sauteed it in olive oil to which the server said that they don't sauteed... they can only steam because everything is cooked in a wok. So, I said, that's fine, just steam it all.

Not fine. Terrible. The food tasted bland without the seasoning but the seasoning definitely had too many carbs in it.

So, I took the food home, sauteed it myself in olive oil and made a dip out of sour cream. It tasted delicious.

Still, not a fan of having to pay $15 for a meal I still have to go home and dress up myself.