Week 1, Day 3

12:25

Today I did not want to get out of bed.

I have a headache that feels like it is directly behind my my right eye and no amount of Advil will get rid of it.

I am tired. I did not eat enough yesterday and it is hurting me today.

All I ate yesterday was eggs and shrimp. Four eggs and twenty pieces of shrimp. I meant to eat a salad. I meant to eat pork chops.

But after cooking the pork chops and making the salad, I wasn't hungry.

This morning, I woke up hungry, and honestly, have yet to eat, which I am sure is not helping matters.

It was between eating and sleeping another twenty minutes... I chose sleep.

I feel like I am in the middle of a deep depression, like I need energy.

Some days, I suppose, it's like that.

Week 2, Day 1

Easy Breezy as far as staying on plan is concerned.

However, today I woke up with a bit of tightness in my legs. Not quite cramping but the muscle not quite releasing either.

This means that I need to start taking my vitamins as I know that the cramps are on their way if I do not.

I also need to seriously up my water as I am feeling dehydrated all the time.

I am starting a serious exercise plan this evening, beginning Couch to 5k.

"If you're tired of starting over, you have to stop quitting."

Wow... so It's been 6 months, almost to the day, since my last post.

And in those 6 months, let's just say, I have not been Atkins friendly.

Hence, I have gained back all but 5 pounds... putting me at a horrible 288.

Now, before all of you go to saying, of course you gained it back, everybody gains back what they lose on Atkins. Let's take note of the fact that it has been 6 months since I was on it, and I have still kept off 5 pounds. Positive!

In those six months, I have also been eating like a fiend, eating so much fast food and junk food that I actually decided to give up eating out for Lent. So, it isn't like I stopped eating Atkins and went to eating healthily.

I stopped eating Atkins and have been eating tons of Mickey D's and cupcakes over the past 6 months.

So now, time to start over again.

I started today.

I didn't eat ANY carbs.

I am extremely dizzy. I feel like I am going to pass out... just a note.

Day 2 (Again): Back in the Saddle

My last post was about the same thing that this post will be about.

How horrible is that?

Three months later and I never got back on track... until yesterday.

Three months. I could have been down to skydiving weight. I could have been healthier, skinnier, closer to shedding this fat suit completely.

But, alas, I enjoyed cookies and cakes and ice cream. I enjoyed grilled cheeses and french fries and donuts. I enjoyed it all.

Until I finally stepped back on Saturday and thought, 'I am tired all the time. I am fatigued. I am struggling going up three flights of stairs. What is it going to take to get me back on track?'

There have been some major changes in my life since March. I have two jobs now. One for the American Cancer Society and one for a local market research firm.

I enjoy them both, but this means I am working quite a lot of hours every week.

Additionally, I have been dating a boy that I do very much enjoy. And he is in wonderful shape which inspires me to keep going and get back to it as well.

So, here I am. starting over. again. And, I was going to go ahead and start a new blog, start a new one where Day 1 would be fresh and nice and clean.

Free from all past mistakes, where I would be perfect and eat my 20 carbs daily during the first two weeks. Where I would be perfect and work out according to a schedule all the time, without missing one, without complaint. Where I would be perfect and never cheat, never slip up, never go off track.

And then I thought... no. This is normal. People go on and off the wagon all the time. No need to pretend that it doesn't happen. No need to have a clean slate. Just pick up from here and move forward.

So here I am, Day 2 (again), going through the Atkins Induction Flu (again).

But the difference is that this time.. this time, I know that at the end of this week, I will have energy. My cravings will be gone. And it will be worth it.

Current Stats:

Weight: 266.4
Urine: Yellow (I know, TMI, but I think it is very important to note since I do remember that when I was on Atkins before, my urine was always crystal clear)
Energy Level: Very low, tired, cranky, lack of motivation
Exercise: 3 Miles at about 1 hr and 10 minutes, extremely difficult to even finish.
Current ST Activity Goal: Kayaking this week
Current LT activity Goal: September 24th Half Marathon

Day 113 - Falling off the track...

CW: 261.2

Yes, that is a gain... a big gain. I have been off track for nearly two weeks now... well... I guess more like 10 days.

That is why I avoided this place, and the scale. And it reminded me why I weigh myself every day.

The downfall started with something so simple. I went camping. I ate one tiny little minuscule s'more... which led to a landslide.

I think that it led to a landslide because I thought, it's okay that I cheated a little, I will just wait a few days and get on the scale when the water weight is gone... well. then since I wasn't weighing myself I kept pushing it back and back and back and eating more and more and more.

And let me tell you, the worst part of this diet/lifestyle is getting on it. Once you are on it, I promise, the cravings really are not there. They really do go away for the most part. But, you can still get sidetracked, as I have proven.

But, I am here to write about the reasons you should not cheat, and what cheating this much has shown me.

1. My energy level off of Atkins goes way down. I feel like I could sleep for 10-12 hours a day and not get enough sleep.

2. My desire to workout becomes non-existent.

3. I am cranky.

4. No matter how much I eat, I am hungry. I can eat 4000 calories and still be hungry.

5. It's never a good time to get back on track.

6. Once again, you realize that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

7. My stomach is bloated.

8. I feel depressed, sad, out of control.

9. My face is breaking out.

10. This is such a long journey, and this cheat has set me back probably a total of 3 weeks. It sucks to realize.

However, I am getting back to it. I am strong, I am confident, I am going full force. I just have to commit to not cheating. Commit to the fact that this is worth so much more than a s'more.

Day 91. - Relax...

CW: 257.8

So, I have been losing steadily. Still enjoying the plan.

But I must admit that I am not completely gung ho about it anymore. I am. I am still sticking to the plan about 90% of the time.

Still, this past weekend, I ate popcorn at the movie theater and three bites of mashed potatoes... I still lost weight. It didn't kick me out of ketosis. And I don't have my cravings back.

I think that the key is moderation. I think that the key is also that if you are going to cheat, at least still stay in your carb count. Which is what I do. I knew I would want the popcorn. I had been fantasizing about it all day. So, I ate very few carbs all day so I could just enjoy one single cup of popcorn.

I was prepared for the consequences. And I think that you just have to evaluate yourself. And know yourself, and know what you can handle and what you can't.

I know myself. I know that if you put pizza in front of me, I can't just eat one slice. Therefore, I may never be able to eat pizza on plan ever.

But, let's be real here. I am viewing this as a complete lifestyle change... Do I really think that I am going to go my entire life without mashed potatoes, without popcorn? Absolutely not.

Now, there are a million substitutes out there for a million products... and when possible, you should absolutely go for the substitute. But for some things, don't beat yourself up. You will lose weight. Just... everything in moderation.

Day 76. - I cheated...

...I think that I had a really good run of 75 days though...

On Saturday, I went to Nashville and met with an old friend for some good conversation and good times.

But, my friend and I always eat at Pizza Hut every time we see each other...
So, I kind of knew I would be cheating and it was a bit of a planned cheat.

I ate three pieces of pepperoni pizza and two cheesesticks.

And they were as good as I remember.
BUT, and this is a huge but, after eating the food, I was extremely tired. I could barely make the drive home without falling asleep. It did made me remember how much energy I have gained by sticking to the no-carb lifestyle.

They say the hardest thing about cheating on this plan, is then getting back on the plan. And I have found that that has been the case.

I am getting back on plan, but all cravings are back and it is very difficult to focus and not eat foods that are off plan.

My one motivation is that my weigh in is on Wednesday and I do not want to have gained weight from this week, so I feel like if I can just not cheat the rest of the week, I should at least be at the weight I was at. I may not have lost weight, but that is okay. I just don't want to have gained 7 or 8 pounds...even in water weight.

Day 70. - Weight Gain

I went to Nashville for a few days, stuck to the plan, still no cheating whatsoever...

and gained 3 pounds.

What is most interesting about this is that normally, on any plan, the moment I gain is the moment I binge.

That did not happen this time. I just said, "Okay, it could be water weight." When I weighed the next day and it said the same thing, I said, "Okay, well, let's evaluate what I have been eating and tweek it, get back to basics. No more frankenfoods."

So, while I am not happy that I gained weight... not in the least... I do feel like this is a permanent thing. I feel like this is for life. And that is not something I have felt on any other plan.

In a way, gaining the weight really shows me how far I have come in a little over two months, not just physically, but mentally. And the mental battles is probably 80% of the total fight.

Day 58 - Cravings, cravings, cravings...

CW: 265.8

I can always tell when I have taken into too many artificial sweeteners. Suddenly, the cravings hit and the cravings hit strong.

Today, I had a bit of a binge day. Now, I didn't eat anything off of the acceptable food list... but I did eat a lot on it.

It was definitely a binge though because I ate an entire pack of pepperoni sticks, three eggs, bacon, cheese, 10 ounces of chicken... okay, when I write it out, it doesn't look like a binge. But it certainly feels like it and I am sure that if I had more ready to eat foods, it would have been a full out binge.

Sometimes, I feel out of control with my foods. Generally this means that I am not eating enough vegetables... and as you can see from the above, I am not at all. My stomach has been cramping a lot, and it cramps more when I eat salads. Trying to figure out the problem...

Day 41 - Sugar Free Candy.

I have been going crazy with the sugar free candy since I just recently found out that I am allowed to subtract the sugar alcohols from the total carb count...

When I first got the candy, I thought, Whoopee! I can eat chocolate and life savers and werther's!

And while all of this is true... it makes my stomach horribly hurt.

And it contributes to the gas that I am already experiencing from all of the salads.

I guess that I just need to eat it in moderation... like one piece a day, because it has been painful.

Day 37. - Frustration and constipation.

Warning: TMI entry.

I have not lost weight on the scale in a week.

This should be okay, considering how much weight I have lost so far. Yet, it is really frustrating.
In addition to this frustration, I am... constipated.

I thought I would avoid this common Atkins pitfall by eating a lot more vegetables than I am supposed to be eating. This worked for the first 5 weeks, but in this sixth week, it is... how should you say... not.

And, another issue is that when I do manage to... have to go... it is like all of it in one day, constantly running to the restroom.

Day 35 - Boredom.

As this is the last day of my 5th week, I felt I must write an entry.

I feel like I must be blatantly honest.

I am getting a bit bored with my current way of eating. I am craving chocolate a great deal. Along with ice cream, donuts, quesadillas, pizza, sour patch kids, french fries, mashed potatoes, and cinnamon rolls.



Also, I still am not a fan of water and I still avoid it like the plague.

I have also noticed that as I become more bored with this way of eating, I become less satisfied with the amount of weight I've lost...

I think, one cupcake will not hinder this. One Hershey kiss... just one.

What really keeps me from cheating at this point is knowing that I have gone 35 days without cheating and if I do so much as put one forbidden morsel in my mouth, the countdown starts over.

Right now, the goal is simply to get to 40. 40 days of deprivation. Though, I must admit, up until very recently, I did not feel deprived at all.

I don't know why it is hitting now.

I think it is the realization that I eat the same things over and over again. It's time to spice up my menu a bit.

Day 31 - Eating Out Difficulties.

CW: 275

Tonight, I went out with my friends to a Thai restaurant.

Now, up until now, I have been able to find something that I could eat anytime I dined out. I never thought that a Thai restaurant would turn out to be the one place that I could not find anything safe.

I decided to order a dish with Beef and Vegetables. Without the sauce. I asked for them to sauteed it in olive oil to which the server said that they don't sauteed... they can only steam because everything is cooked in a wok. So, I said, that's fine, just steam it all.

Not fine. Terrible. The food tasted bland without the seasoning but the seasoning definitely had too many carbs in it.

So, I took the food home, sauteed it myself in olive oil and made a dip out of sour cream. It tasted delicious.

Still, not a fan of having to pay $15 for a meal I still have to go home and dress up myself.